As soon as I got a wife, I lost my balance at the bank.
Men want 3 qualities in wives: Economist in kitchen, artist in home & devil in bed.
But they get artist in kitchen, devil in home & economist in Bed.
Q: Why do women live longer than men?
A: Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!
Before marriage: Roses are red, sky is blue. U r beautiful, I luv u.
After marriage: Roses are dead, I'm blue. U r my headache, one day I'll kill u.
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, and then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.
Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr : married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr : No, but the thought of long life will never come.
Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
Wife: Darling, today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his examination?
'Dad, they questioned me for 3 hours, but I never told them anything!!'
What's the difference between people who pray in church and those who pray in casinos?
The ones in the casinos are serious.
When I was young I used to pray for a bike,
then I realized that God doesn't work that way,
so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.
A little boy went up to his father and asked :
'Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?'
His father replied:
'Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, because I still have mine.'
Jimmy's teacher sent a note home to his mother, saying : 'Jimmy seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about girls.'
The mother wrote back the next day: 'If you find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his father!'