Monday 2 April 2012

Taxi Driver


Have a laugh.

If you've  ever had an Indian taxi driver you'll love this  one...  

 A drunk woman,  stark naked, jumped into a taxi at Fortitude Valley in Brisbane , Australia . 
  
The Indian driver opened  his eyes wide and stared at the woman. He made no attempt to start the Cab.

"What's  wrong with you Luv, haven't  you ever seen a naked woman  before?"

"I'll not be staring at you lady, I am telling you, that would not be  proper, where I am coming from..."

"Well,  if you're not bloody staring at me Luvie, what  are you doing then?"
"Well, I am looking  and looking, and I am thinking and thinking to  myself,
where is this lady keeping the money to  be paying me?!"  
 

Male or Female?



Male or Female?
  You might not have known this....but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female. Here are some examples:
     
FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in...but you can see right through them.


PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off...it takes a while to warm them up again. They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed...but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons.

TYRES: Tyres are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated
HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object... because to get them to go anywhere.....you have to light a fire under their ar$e.

SPONGES: These are female...because they are soft......squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGES: Female...because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.

TRAINS: Definitely male... because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.

EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female because...over time...all the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMERS: Male... because in the last 5000 years......they've hardly changed at all...and are occasionally handy to have around.

THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male...but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it...and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push...he just keeps trying.

Monday 26 March 2012

Those of you with beer belly, this is a must-try.


Did You Know... 
... that you can rub your stomach away effortlessly using nothing but your hand -- for only 2 minutes a day?

Dr. Stephen ChangThis may sound hard to believe, but Dr. Stephen Chang, an M.D. and Ph.D. who's trained in both Western and Chinese medicine, states that this simple 2-minute internal exercise, which does not come from Western medicine, but rather from the wisdom of ancient Chinese sages -- has been used successfully as a self-healing mechanism for over 6,000 years.

Whatever you do, don't confuse this internal exercise with the external exercises of the Western world, such as sit-ups, crunches and other movements that only firm up the underlying stomach muscles ... but do nothing to melt the fat surrounding those muscles.

According to Dr. Chang, losing weight is a simple matter of increasing the efficiency of the digestive system. If you've ever wondered why you fail to shed pounds even when you reduce your food and/or caloric intake -- the reason is because your digestive and eliminatory systems are not functioning efficiently.

The following 2-minute exercise works like a gentle colonic irrigation that
 helps speed up a sluggish digestive system (which usually carries at least 5 pounds of fecal matter within it), and this elimination of useless sludge has the effect of burning off excess fat. The exercise effectively metabolizes the fatty tissues around the stomach and intestines, and flushes them out of your body through blood, sweat, urine, and feces.

Here's how to do the stomach-rubbing exercise:
1) Lie flat on your back on your bed or on the floor. Take your top off or pull it up so that your abdominal area is bare.

2) Rub your hands together vigorously for about 15 seconds, or until they feel hot.

Rub Stomach Away3) Place one of your hands directly on your belly button and begin to rub in 
small circles around your belly button, and gradually make the circles larger (as shown in the diagram). Use fairly firm but comfortable pressure and rub at a slow, even pace, approximately 1 circle per second.

4) Concentrate on the heat building up in, around and throughout your stomach.

5) Do about 40 to 50 circles, or for an approximate duration of 2 minutes or more.

Note: It is important to keep the abdominal area warm while doing the exercise, especially during winter months when even heated indoor air tends to be cool.
For best results, do this routine twice a day for 2 minutes -- first thing in the morning (before breakfast) and just before you go to bed. Most people see noticeable results within 1 week of consistent practice.
According to Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), the stomach is the center of energy. Massaging the stomach in the manner described above therefore accomplishes more than just melting away adipose tissue (fat). It also ...

* stimulates the abdominal organs
* helps speed up slow digestion and remedies constipation
* increases blood circulation in the abdominal area
* helps heal indigestion, nausea, diarrhea, vomiting and the adverse
effects of overeating

Caution: 
The stomach massage should not be practiced immediately after a heavy meal. Neither is it advisable for women who are pregnant, or have inflammation of the uterus, bladder, ovaries and fallopian tubes; and individuals who have the following conditions: hypertension; stones in the gall bladder, kidneys or bladder; general, femoral, inguinal and umbilical hernia; bleeding of the stomach, lungs or brain; or ulcers of the intestines and stomach.